You can read my other yearly reviews here 2019, 2020,2021, and 2022
2023 was the worst year of my life.
No kidding. If you know, you know.
There are some years where everything you touch turns to Gold — and some years where it all turns to ash.
2023 was an ashy year, leaving a less-than-horrible aftertaste in my otherwise untainted throat.
Where do I begin? How about my startup crashing and burning right before my sorry eyes? Or my 3-year-old relationship and its successor both hitting the bricks like a wrecking ball? Or applying for UK Technation and getting summarily bounced? Or selling my car for parts after my accident in December 2022?
As a gifted kid, 2023 was the first year I legit got battle-tested. Since the beginning, I’ve been blessed with the gift of wit and good fortune, just as my mum would say. Throughout life’s journey, it has remained the sole anchor to which I clung tightly, trusting in its guiding light. Having represented Akwa Ibom at state and national levels of the olympiad, getting into Unilag on the first try, and stumbling on a rather remarkable marketing career, it's always been easy peasy lemon squeezy for me. Never had to work very hard to achieve something difficult. This year? Ashes.
How could Technation refuse me? Emi, Starboy Seni. I was downcast, deflated, and defeated. Then my 9–5 started having funding issues and I had to step out. Coming from 6 weeks in London in 2022 to not having a job — all in the first quarter. Life gave me Lemon 1, Lemon 9 and I whimpered.
I spent the next couple of months (9 actually) applying for Jobs. At first, I only targeted Yankee companies for that sweet taste of the dollar. But 2023 brought with it tales of layoffs and fires. It fed my depressive loop, feeling I had hit a ceiling on Nigerian companies but my location wasn't right for the good opportunities. But I got tens of interviews. And then something weird started happening to me..
I would start speaking during an interview and feel my enthusiasm for the work seep away.
Meanwhile, the company where I had honed my skills in the marketing and tech arena, investing relentless effort, and passion, and even shedding a few tears into its content production and PR, found itself embroiled in a fraud investigation. Yeah, ashes.
I was burning through savings like an igbeux addict on claro but even the fear of impending poverty still couldn't get me to get out of bed. My rent’s expiry loomed but I could not bring myself to give a sh*t. I alienated myself from everyone and everything. I didn't want to be seen. I didn't speak to my family for months. I left Twitter.
Then I spoke to Jude and he said right from when he wrote this piece, he guessed I needed some mental health treatment.
Good one Seni, you finally went mad. As Twitter people have been saying for ages.
Getting diagnosed with mild depression was a real opener for me. I’ve always been a supportive presence for individuals grappling with depression, so it shocked me to no end that I hadn't realized that I, too, was experiencing its weight firsthand. An array of questions flooded my mind: How long had I been ensnared by this soulsuck? What triggered it? And more importantly, how could I reclaim my lost energy, my fervor for life, that spark of vitality that had once propelled me forward
After the lengthy process of interviews with the psychiatrist, psychologist, and therapist at LASUTH (Eh come o, are you sure you’re not suicidal? Not even small? Sorry yeah, we can pray for you…), I was prescribed an SSRI.
Andddd the results were fucking fantastic.
I felt like a fog had been lifted. I could think, I could laugh, I could yell, I could EAT!
It felt like the person playing with my voodoo doll just switched my batteries back on. I was sane, not Inseni for the first time in a long long time. Most importantly, I started to dream again. To see a world I could shape, to see my place in it, and how I could bring value and help people. Believe me, if you lose this ability to dream, it's over, man.
Only one thing, the headache side effects were almost unbearable.
I also couldn't smoke cigs and if you know me, you’d know how much I struggle with that addiction. The doctors explained that Nicotine and SSRIs act on the same part of the brain so using one would affect the other. I’ve slowed down my cig as much as I can but ngl, it's been a challenge. Hopefully, with a combination of talk therapy and nicotine patches, we put a stop to that disgusting habit in 2024.
Harnessing this newfound energy, I propelled myself forward on the work front. Embracing a slightly irritating chess obsession, completing my Python course, and preparing diligently for interviews became my routine. Today, on December 31st, 2023, I find myself joyfully holding not one, but two enticing job offers in my hands.
Oh, and I started cooking too (shushes sounds of husband material)
Alhamdulilah.
What I’ve learned? Quite a few things tbh.
I learned that my life is my own and I can direct it the way I like.
I learned that trauma is universal but it is the response to trauma that defines the heroes and villains. Ishiro Kishimi, you did that one.
I learned that discipline trumps everything else. Discipline. The energy to keep to your word. The foundation of your values. The designation of your efforts. Do see a man diligent in his ways? Na him.
I learned the best cure for a hangover is hot amala.
I learned that I can be ANYTHING I want to be. I have the range. I could be a tech bro firefighter who sews boxers on public holidays. I am a generalist and proud. I will not get put in a box and forced to slap a label on it. The world should take note.
I learned that communication is the most important thing in any kind of relationship. Recognizing that individuals express themselves in diverse ways, I’d love to hone the ability to delve beyond surface-level conversations. By deciphering the subtext and understanding the underlying motivations behind words spoken, I now prioritize comprehending the “why” rather than solely focusing on the “what.
I learned the importance of thinking in decades. Honestly, I’ve always been a mini nihilist and thought I would die early like the 27 Club and I’ve just been winging life since. This year didn't quite take me, so I know I am going to live long. So what does Seni at 60 look like? Who will he have around him? What do I want out of my existence? Someone told me “if you don’t choose your sacrifices, they’ll choose you.”
I learned the true meaning of being intentional. I’ve always hated when people say “I’m working on myself” — for some reason, I always thought it was cliche. Everything in this world that is beautiful is planned, nurtured and brought to life with intention. In this vein, its time to needed to be more deliberate about the friends I make, who I surround myself with, what I put in my body, and even the content I consume.
I learned that ignoring red flags is a young man’s game, still bathe in the promise of adventure and the thrill of a good chase. I learned the true tests of compatibility: compromise and consequence.
I was very hard to reach this year so I’d like to thank everyone who checked on me when I was going through the eye of the storm. From Rayo to Sinzubaba, Lamide, Chidirim, Hillary, Nabs, Mosco(who helped me edit this), Maxxene, Damola, Deco, Mr Seun, Abimbola, Sean Don, Tomi, Choplaive, Seyi, Toluuu, Petracylin’, Femi, Iseun, Drea, Laolu, and lots of people who gbe mi dey be’d when I had no strength to trabaye…
To Manik, I am forever in your debt and I owe you my life.
2023 was one for support systems and thankfully, I have a pretty strong one. If you’re going through something similar and need to talk to someone, please take my experience as a source of hope.
You are not alone and this too shall pass. ❤️
Life’s in phases and my twenties are coming to an end. In 2024, I’m going to be daring with my dreams for just one simple reason:
The people wey dey do am, them no get two head.
I leave you with the wise words of Owl City, my ever-so-faithful ear companion.
